Merging Families

Trying to merge two families when you meet a new partner can be a difficult time. Children who have had your sole attention may suddenly find themselves with siblings or a step parent. Long held family rituals and habits are replaced by a new situation. You may have to move home, take children away from their friends or change schools.

Many children don't respond very well to change but there are things you can do to help the transition.

• If you have important daily rituals or annual celebrations try to keep them in place. Children like continuity and too many changes at once can cause serious problems.
• Understand that just because you are happy about a situation your children many not be.
• Don't expect instant acceptance and bountiful love - relationships take time to develop.
• Do what you can to encourage positive interaction between new family members - find common points of interest for bonding.
• Remember your child needs your time - try to put aside special time where you just focus on that one relationship.
• Set roles. Does everyone know who the parents are? Does everyone know what is expected of them and what behaviour is acceptable?
• If needed, consider a fresh start, a new home can be a new beginning for everyone.
• Be a team. If you are parenting a mix of your own children and step children then as a couple agree on common methods of discipline and back each other up.
  

If you need more information on merging families then you can find information at Net Doctor and if your children need someone to talk to outside the family they can contact Childline or Divorceaid.