Making Conversation

Some of us can find being thrown back into the dating game very daunting, particularly if it is after the break-up of a long-term relationship. Some people find it easy to chat to new people, but if you are one of the many who get tongue-tied when nervous here are some tips.

• Have something to talk about. Before you even go to the date/party have a few topics pre-prepared. That doesn't mean having a set of cue cards but look at the paper, think about the restaurant or local area you are going to, have you bought any new CDs recently, what is the book you are reading at the moment?
• Open up. Eye contact, smile and use open body language (legs and arms uncrossed, pointing into the room). The more approachable you appear the more likely that someone will strike up a conversation with you.
• If no one approaches you then look for some to approach. Are they stood by the drinks? Go over and ask them what they recommend. Try to ask open questions such as 'Which drink would you recommend' You want to elicit more than a yes/no answer.
• Other people feel the same too. In your own anguish you probably forget that other people are nervous too, this is especially true on first dates. Relax and it will encourage the other person to relax.
• Talk and listen. Don't drone on for hours about yourself, a conversation is a two way street so be prepared to listen.
• Don't be afraid to be funny. Humour can be a great ice breaker but keep it clean and non political (at least for the first few dates!)
• Be polite. In a first conversation don't start an argument or look away. Focus on the conversation in hand and when you are ready to leave be polite about it.

These techniques for starting a conversation will give you some simple first steps. If you want some more hints and tips try BBC Health and E-Zines.

If you are really shy and still struggling you may find our simple conversation guide helpful to give you some ideas and confidence.