Harmonising Your Habits

Here are some simple hints and tips to harmonising habits in your partnership:

• Tackle the real issue. If you are feeling ignored then talk about that, not the fact that they don't pick up their clothes.
• Talk about the problem in a calm and reasonable way. Shouting and screaming won't achieve much, except alienating your partner.
• Deal with one problem at a time. If there are several annoying habits they won't all change overnight.
• Give and take. Make sure it is not one-sided; you will probably have some habits which irritate your partner. Resolve to change as well.
• You can both make a change. You don't have to be late or messy - these are things that are easy to change and can smooth your relationship. If you are the one with the annoying habit find out what really irritates your partner and make an effort to change.
• Notice and Praise. If your partner is obviously making an effort to reduce their irritating habit - praise, praise, praise them!
• Relapses. If the habit resurfaces then calmly discuss why the changes haven't been sustained - explain why it makes you so annoyed.
• Compromise. If someone has lived alone for a long time or has always done things in a particular way it may be hard for them to change. Take this into account and don't let the little things destroy an otherwise healthy relationship.
• Obsessions. If you are or your partner are overly obsessive about specific behaviours there may be deep seated emotional issues to address and you may need professional counselling to keep things in perspective. The following sites will give you more information and help you determine whether there is a real problem: Sane, BUPA.
  

Most problems in relationships boil down to a lack of communication. By establishing a helpful and calm dialogue you can begin to change things.