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20 Nov 2008
 
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Home / Children / Raising Children / Teens

Teens

Teenagers

This can be a particularly difficult and stressful period. Family rows can become common and may impact on all the relationships in the household. Typical flashpoints include:

  • Disagreements about rules and methods of disciplining
  • Suitability of friends
  • Importance of schoolwork
  • Acceptable clothes/appearance
  • Communication/attitude
  • Going out and suitable coming home times

Got to the teenage years? Looking for tips on dealing with teens?

  1. Teenage years can be an incredibly difficult time to enforce discipline and this is the one time in your relationship that total co-operation is vital. Your children are now young adults and it's harder to bribe or cajole them into doing what you want. When a new issue comes up, such as going to a nightclub, there is nothing wrong with saying you will come back to your child. Go away and come to a consensus about how you want to proceed, then present a united front to your child.
  2. This may be the first time in your child's life when you aren't their biggest influencer. Suddenly their peers hold more sway than you and a trip to the pizza place is a lot more exciting than your home made pie. Make it clear where you would prefer your child to be and explain why. Ensure this is a consistent message from both parents.
  3. There is no doubt your son or daughter will have at least one friend you don't particularly approve of. Discuss your fears with your partner and if it appears you both have similar fears sit down as a couple and talk to your child. Create an atmosphere of openness and trust where they know they can come to either parent.
  4. Decide before they hit 12 what your non-negotiable points are as a parent - maybe it's homework, maybe it's wearing mini skirts and let your partner know why you feel so strongly about them and that you expect to be backed up. Listen to your partner if they indicate you are being unreasonable.
  5. If things begin to go wrong and you think your teenager is getting into trouble don't panic! There is help out there for a range of teenage problems including sex, alcohol, offending behaviour and drug use.
  6. Most kids experiment with drugs, get bored, then get on with life. It's the tiny percentage with addictive tendencies that find it hard to stop once they've started. If your kid falls into this category and you're finding it hard to cope, maybe you should call Families Anonymous on 020 7498 4680. They are a self-help group which works in exactly the same way as Narcotics Anonymous. They can give you support and advice during this difficult time.
  7. If your child is struggling with aspects of understanding sex and relationships try getting them to log onto ruthinking which is specifically designed to inform and help teenagers.
  8. If you think your teenager is committing crimes and is in danger of arrest you can ask your local YOT Youth offending team's preventative worker to help you before anything serious happens.

If you need more help then raising kids has lots more useful hints