Legal Advice

FAQ

Here are the answers to the top 10 questions we get asked:

1. How do I know if my relationship is working?
   Occasionally, relationships breakdown without any apparent sign that there is something wrong - sometimes one partner chooses to leave for personal reasons they never shared. However, in the majority of cases the breakdown of a relationship is more gradual with clear signs and signals along the way and many people look back and realise there were indicators long before real problems arose. By completing our relationship quiz, openly and honestly it will give you some idea as to whether your relationship is working or not.
2. How do we resolve our money arguments?
   The most common cause of disagreement between people in both new and established relationships is money and it can cause fundamental problems if not dealt with. The first step is identifying why there are money problems between the two of you and what is causing them. Try completing our Financial Compatibility Audit to see where the greatest problems lie.
   
   The next step in working through money problems is to ensure that you and your partner discuss what is working and what needs resolving. One way to do this is to complete a Financial Agreement Plan.
3. I've just found out my partner has had an affair - help!
   Infidelity can range from a one night drunken mistake to a long term planned and calculated affair. Infidelity doesn't have to mean the end, but is likely to have a long term impact on your relationship. Having an affair with someone else isn't the best way to tell your partner that you are unhappy but it can be the wake up call that some relationships need. Sometimes the very fact that one partner has an affair allows a couple to take an honest look at their relationship and work through their problems together - ultimately creating a stronger and more open partnership.
   You can find out how to survive life after infidelity here.
4. We have three children and all we seem to do is fight about how to raise them - any suggestions?
   Different strategies and approaches to rearing children is a common cause of rows and conflict within a relationship.
   
   Discussing your respective childhoods and how you were raised can help to get you started on seeing where there will be areas of disagreement. Here are hints and tips to help you understand and avoid potential relationship conflict at each stage of your child's development. Ideally try to look ahead and plan for the next stage with your partner.
5. I'm in an abusive relationship but don't know how to get out - where can I go for help?
   If you are in an abusive relationship then you have two choices - stay and try to change the behaviour or choose to leave. There is no right or wrong. However, physical abuse is often part of a deeper pattern of abuse which may have undermined your confidence, self esteem and even judgement skills. If you have decided you can no longer continue to live with a person who has been abusing you then there is help out there. There are a range of support organisations such as Refuge and Womens Aid who can give you immediate information about local refuges and support groups. You can find more information about leaving an abusive relationship here.
6. Does common law marriage exist?
   A common misunderstanding is the belief in common law marriage - no such thing exists. In simple terms if you aren't married you can not become legally divorced and a court can not issue an order in relation to property or other assets.
7. What do you need to do to get divorced?
   A divorce is a formal termination of a marriage. As long as you have been married for at least one year either partner of a marriage can apply for divorce to the court in England and Wales.
   
   In order to start proceedings you have to prove that your marriage has irretrievably broken down. Evidence of the breakdown has to be shown to court by proving one of the following:
   
   - Adultery
   - Unreasonable behaviour
   - Desertion
   - Two years separation if both parties agree
   - Five years separation
   
   For more information on divorce go here.
   
8. What will happen to my money if I get divorced? Am I going to have to give my ex half of everything?
   There are no hard and fast rules about how assets are divided and who pays who what money. The court has the power to make financial orders as it sees fit. However, Parliament has set out a list of considerations that the court must bear in mind before making an order including:
   
   - Present and future needs
   - Resources and earning capacity of both parties
   - Ages
   - Length of the marriage
   - Contributions of both to family finances
   
   Since your future financial well-being is involved it is important that before proceeding you obtain expert financial advice. You can find an independent financial advisor in your area by following this link. You may also need to consult with a divorce law solicitor.
   
9. Can the court force my husband to give me money for my children?
   
   In the early 90's the Government introduced the Child Support Agency and most of the issues relating to child maintenance passed from the courts to the CSA.
   
   The courts now only make maintenance orders for children in limited circumstances:
   - Where the parents both apply to the court for an 'order by consent'
   - Where a child is in full-time education and there are school fees to pay
   - Where a child is undergoing vocational training or an apprenticeship and there are expenses to pay
   - Where a child is disabled, and there are care costs
   - Where the other parent lives abroad on a permanent basis
   
   The CSA website has full details on applying for child maintenance and calculating the amount you may receive.
   
10. Can we still be friends after the divorce?
    
    Friendship after divorce works best if both parties have moved on. If you still feel a twinge when your ex says they have met someone else then it is unlikely a genuine friendship will be possible, at least in the short term.
    
    If the relationship has ended by mutual consent it will be easier to remain civil and sort through things in an organised way and stay friends. If this is not the case then you have come to terms with the fact the relationship is over; try to be businesslike about sorting out arrangements and accept that friendship is unlikely to be an option.
    
    If you have children then you should try to remain civil for the sake of their emotional well being. Although many relationships end acrimoniously, when access to children is involved many people eventually reach better terms.
    
    If you haven't found your question here, then look at our relationship forum. You can post your own questions there and receive advice from others who may have experienced similar issues.